Act 21: Watch a Horror Movie Alone

8:48 pm  Ok. I am doing this. Yea, I know the kids are here, but that's ok. They are sleeping and technically. I am watching alone. Now, what movie to watch?

Blair Witch Project?  I've wanted to see that, but I've read about it, so not an authentic experience.

Haunting in Connecticut 2?  I can't possibly watch that without seeing the first one!

Paranormal Activity 4?  Same thing!  Who jumps right to the sequel?

8:50pm. No slasher films. That's just gross. 

8:51pm. SHARKNADO!

8:52pm. Sanity regained. I'm going for scary, not ridiculous. No Sharknado. 

8:55pm. OK. The Amazon Gods have spoken. It will be...

The Amityville Horror

8:57pm. Let's do this!  I'm ready!  Creepy kids singing. Good start. And that house just looks evil.

8:58pm. Gah!  Bloody bodies in the first minute !?  Are you kidding me??

9:05pm. Not ready for flashbacks! Gah!  And how is it the real estate agent doesn't know the history of this house??

And $80K for a 4 bedroom house. Good gracious. 

9:08pm. So they know about the history and they are still buying?  Idiots!

9:12pm  I'm totally not freaked out by the phantom giggling. Nope. Not me. 

9:15pm. Demonic voice tells priest to "Get out."  Sir, yes sir.  

9:21pm. Scary music coinciding with the heat coming on right over my head!?  Not cool.

9:28pm. They only show a dog if he's going to play a part in the plot. I'm worried for the dog.  

9:40pm. I think I need to check my email.  Or something.  Distraction. Yes. Distraction is my friend. 

9:48pm. Aaaaw damn. Babysitter locked in the closet. Phantom rocking chair. Imaginary friend. This is so not cool. 

10:01pm. George isn't looking so good.  

10:03pm. AAARRAAAGGHHH!  Red eyed flies!  The door blew off!  Tighty whiteys!  I'm freaking out here. 

10:04pm. Time to read the Wikipedia article on this damned movie. 

10:14pm. Why is there no plot summary in this article???  Everything it mentions has already happened!!  Except "things come to a head and drives the family to flee."  This is not good. 

10:18pm. Fuck fuck fuck. Scary glowing eyes at the window. I may or may not have screamed out loud and scared the cats off. Now who's going to protect me???

10:21pm. Thank God for bad 70's acting. Definitely makes this easier to take. 

10:28pm. Inverted crucifix. Do it yourself exorcism. Oh damn. I think I need to play some Trivia Crack. 

10:32pm. The creepy music is back. And the priest is blind. This is not good. 

10:35pm. Criminy. On top of all the craziness, you dream your husband's killing everyone with an ax?  It's time to move.

10:39pm. Thank goodness for the priest subplot. I appreciate the comic relief. 

10:45pm. It's stormy and George has his ax. This is not a good thing. Who the hell is Amy?  

10:48pm. I hate it when the walls bleed. 

10:50pm. It counts as watching if I'm hiding under the blanket, right?  Right?  I'm in the room. I can hear what's going on. 

10:52pm. See?  I should have gotten a dog.  These damned cats would not pull me out of the gate to hell. 

10:54pm. The end.  Phew. 

Ok. So. That's done. All in one sitting too! 

Time to go smear the jello on the floor and call it a night.