In my defense, it is not easy to get two easily distracted, high energy children to do anything on a timeline, much less the complicated ballet of getting dressed, fed, packed up, and out the door in the morning. Now, before you launch into the litany of helpful hints, I will tell you: we have a morning checklist. We make lunches and pack our backpacks the night before. We lay out our clothes for the week on Sunday night. We set alarms. We do all the things that an organized family is supposed to do to have a smooth and stress-free morning. Except, we almost NEVER have a smooth or stress-free morning.
Instead, we have chaos. The Girl wants to have a morning cuddle, and then burrows so deep into my bed, I have to send an excavation crew to unearth her. The Boy usually gets himself dressed, but then gets lost in a comic book or his own musings. Our mornings are punctuated by my constant bellowing:
"What are you DOING? Are you dressed yet? "
"We are leaving 15 MINUTES!"
"WHY are you not DRESSED YET?"
"Sit back down and finish your breakfast."
"Put on your shoes!"
"Are you done with your meal? Then WHY are you up wandering around?"
"Get your shoes on. Shoes. Shoes! SHOES!!!!"
"Backpack. Pick up your backpack. You need your backpack. BACKPACK!"
Finally, it deteriorates in to me screaming random words, as if I am afflicted with some sort of parental Tourette's Syndrome.
"EAT! BACKPACK! SHOES! CAR! GO!"
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| "EAT! BACKPACK! SHOES! CAR! GO!" |
This morning, an evil scheme hatched in my brain. Both The Boy and The Girl are old enough to dress themselves. They are also old enough to understand cause and effect. I decided that today, I would not yell and scream to get them ready. In fact, I was not going to take ownership of it at all. THEY were going to be responsible for getting themselves dressed.
When they woke up, I made my announcement:
"I am going to get myself dressed. I am then going to go downstairs to prepare breakfast. I will be leaving the house at 7:15. You will be going with me - in whatever state you are in. See you downstairs."
I then left them to their own devices.
It was quiet upstairs for a reaaaaalllllly long time. As the moments ticked by, I had to force myself to just mind my business. I drank a cup of coffee, emptied the dishwasher, tidied the kitchen. After what seemed like an eternity, I heard them stirring.
The Boy, being a 6th Grader, figured out the implications of this new arrangement much quicker than The Girl. After he finally got out of bed, he dressed himself and headed downstairs. There was no way he was going to be dropped off at school in his pajamas. During breakfast, he wandered over to the computer to try to futz around, but discovered- HORRORS! - Mom had changed the password. (I swear, I really tried to stifle the MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA that erupted from me, but it just wouldn't be denied.) With his distraction removed, he easily stayed on track.
The Girl, being who she is, decided to test me. She came downstairs after some time in her cute little Frozen pajamas, carrying her clothes. She played with the kittens, ate a little breakfast, went to inspect the computer, wandered around the kitchen - very leisurely.
Because I'm a benevolent overlord, I did give her little reminders of the time. "Girl, we are leaving in 20 minutes." "Girl, we are leaving in 15 minutes." It was all pleasant and conversational. No bellowing at all.
At 5 minutes to departure, the girl had removed half of her pajamas, but not put on any clothes. I began to pack up the car.
At departure time, The Boy took his stuff and went out to get into the car, much like an animal seeking out higher ground in anticipation of a tsunami.
I calmly walked over to The Girl - who was clad only in her undies and pajama top at this time. I gently put her coat on her, (didn't want her to be too cold!) picked up her clothes and shoes, and placed them in her backpack. I then placidly led her to the car. (I was anticipating a struggle here, but honestly - I think she was too stunned to resist.) We went out into the garage, and I opened the car door for her.
She looked at me and started crying. "It's cold out here! I can't go to school like this!"
The Boy, in his infinite middle school wisdom commented, "Sounds like something you should have thought about earlier." I sent him a mental high five, and then gave him the Hush up now Mom Glare.
"Yes, honey. You are not dressed. I told you that we were leaving at 7:15, and you didn't get dressed. Now it's time to leave for school. I packed your uniform, so you can change once you get there." I paused, "I wouldn't want you to get into trouble."
She looked at me for a moment and then began to cry. "I want to get dressed RIGHT NOW! Let me get dressed!"
"Of course. Come inside where it is warm, and put on your clothes. Then we will go to school."
I have never seen The Girl get dressed so quickly.
When she was dressed, she hurried to the car where her brother was waiting: "Was that so hard?" (I love middle schoolers.)
As we left the house, I glanced at the clock. It was 7:20, my originally intended departure time. Everyone was dressed. There had been only minimal tears, no bellowing, no elevated blood pressure, no Morning Momzilla.
Turns out that being too controlling over the morning routine not only stressed me out, but it was stunting The Kids. They are both perfectly capable of dressing and feeding themselves. They just chose not to because they knew Mommy would handle it. By stepping back and making them responsible, I lowered my stress. But I also empowered them to take care of themselves. It's hard to remember that sometimes life has to be a little messy. Our kids don't live according to the timelines we set. But, when given the right circumstances - and the threat of meaningful consequences - they will rise to the occasion.
And who knows? Maybe this lesson will allow me to retire Morning Momzilla permanently!
Love it! Love it!! Every mother of school age children should read this and learn!
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