In Defense of 2016

I know it's become fashionable to call 2016 The Worst Year Ever, and there were some pretty terrible things that happened this year.  We lost some beloved icons, democracy - especially here in North Carolina - was struck a crippling blow, and for a while there it felt like the world had turned upside down.  It seemed like there was more than our fair share of setbacks, losses, and disappointments.  But rather than think of this year as a stinker, I prefer to think about this as an opportunity for us to practice our  resilience.  We have taken some hits, yes.  But those hits were opportunities to learn and grow.  And 2016 brought me several gifts.

2016 was a big year for learning.  The events of this year challenged my assumptions about the world and my place in it.  They required me to take a long hard look at the space - both public and personal - I occupy and what exactly I do in that space.  These events shook me up and threw me off balance for a little while, but I've found that on the other side of them I am more stable and sure-footed than I was before.  I'm also more aware and attuned to the decisions that I make and the ripple effect of those decisions. I learned to take nothing for granted, and as a result of that, I think I've gained a deeper appreciation for what I do have.

2016 was a year of accomplishment and opportunity.  I took the next step to further my career, and in the process have found myself in a program that presents a chance for growth greater than I had imagined.  The Boy and The Girl both pushed themselves to new heights.  The Boy with the completion of his Bar Mitzvah studies, and The Girl with learning to embrace who she is and how she is.  All three of us are ending the year better than we were when we began it.

2016 was a year of connection.  We've grown beyond our little family of three. We established what the kiddos call our "Framily" - a network of deep friendships with other families who have become like family to us.  Through those connections, my children have learned how to navigate relationships and conflict and celebrations.  And boy did they have fun!

The challenges of 2016 gave me many teaching opportunities for my children.  They have learned how important it is to cast your vote in elections.  They've learned how essential it is to stand up for those who have less power than you and to make your voice heard.  They have also learned how to listen to those who have differing opinions than you - with respect and compassion and (hopefully) with an open mind.  It wasn't an easy year, but what year is?  And yes, there were some things that happened that are going to have long-lasting effects, the extent of which remain to be seen.  But it wasn't the worst.  And honestly, I wouldn't trade any of the bad stuff for the experiences we had.

Still. It's fun to look to the promise of a new year.  2017 will hold surprises and heartbreak, joy and challenges.  We will have learning experiences and opportunities for growth.  But then again, isn't that kind of the point?

Happy New Year, y'all!

Everybody Wins

This time of year, it's hard to to play the comparison game.  Everyone in the world is sharing their joys, their accomplishments, all the good things that have happened to them in the past year.  There are tons of photos: the smiling faces, happy families and blissful couples just beaming with love.  The song says it's the most wonderful time of the year.  And in a sense, it is.

But can be hard too, especially when things in your life aren't exactly settled in the way you'd like them to be.  If your job just isn't as fulfilling as you'd like - your home is a bit more shabby than chic - your kids are a bit more out of sorts than you'd wish them to be.  If you're without a partner or a promotion or financial security, it can be really hard to look at all that celebration and not feel at least a little sour.

That's part of being a human being.  As social animals, it's natural to observe what someone else has and maybe to want it for ourself.  We aren't bad for experiencing envy.   A little envy can be a catalyst to encourage us to examine our own lives and choices.  It can spur us to be more proactive or shake us out of our comfort zone.  It doesn't have to be bad.

And in fact, seeing others achieve can be downright wonderful.

When you have your head right, someone else's happiness doesn't have to diminish your own.  In fact, it can multiply it.  When your heart is full of love for yourself, other people finding love is a source of joy.  If you have an attitude of abundance, then someone else getting something good doesn't mean that there is less for you.  Happiness, it turns out, is not a zero sum game.  Quite the opposite.

Not So Proud to Be From NC Today

Dear NC General Assembly Member,

You should be ashamed of yourselves.   As a lifetime resident of North Carolina, I can honestly say that this is the most embarrassed I have been to admit this is my home.

You are elected to be the voice of the people of North Carolina.  Your job is to speak for us all.  Not just for yourself.  This attempt to sneak in legislation under the table, to "revise" the election process, and strip one particular Governor of power is just... sad.   

Here's a thought:  How about instead of warping the structure of our state government to suit your own needs, you actually try working with your political rivals?  How about instead of trying to suppress the voice of the people, you listen, consider what they have to say, and then come to a COMPROMISE?  How about putting what's best for our state above your own personal desire for power?

You all in Raleigh have pulled some pretty despicable stunts in the last few years, but this... This is really a new low for you.  

I cannot wait for the next election with new electoral maps.  When you are back to being an ordinary citizen, you can see how it feels to have your will and your voice completely negated.  It's infuriating.  While I don't wish you personal ill, I vehemently wish that you lose your job to someone who is willing to do the hard work of governance.  

I'm disappointed in all of you - regardless of party.

rfk

A Mentor or Teacher Who Invested In My Development

I have been blessed to learn under some truly talented individuals.  I've had leaders and peers who have pushed me beyond my limits - and who insisted I always bring my "A" Game.  But when I think about a mentor who had a huge impact on me both professionally and personally, it would have to be my student teaching cooperating teacher, Jessica Sziksai.

I ended up in Jessica's classroom at A.C. Reynolds High School by the hand of God.  Seriously!  She was the teacher I needed right when I needed her.  I was a senior at UNC Asheville, ready to take the teaching world by storm.  I was full of ideas and inspiration, but I had no clue how the world (or schools) really worked.  Jessica taught me how to "do school": how to manage the paper load while still giving students meaningful feedback, how to be kind and firm with students who pushed the limits, how to function on a larger faculty.

But more than that, Jessica taught me the importance of being present in your life.  She impressed upon me the importance of telling people how much they mean to you, of being thankful for small blessings that happen, of recognizing grace when you encounter it.  She taught me how to be a peaceful person - and while I'm still cultivating those lessons nearly 20 years later, she planted the seeds.

I will always be grateful to Jessica for investing in me at that pivotal time in my life.  She made me, not only the teacher, but the person I am today.

A Song, Book or Movie that Lifts My Spirits

I've written about several different songs that I identify with.  From the soaring "Defying Gravity" from Wicked to the hopeful "Heaven When We're Home" by the Wailin' Jennys there are a few songs that I can put on that - when applied en masse - can usually pull me out of a slump.

There are plenty of books that I enjoy escaping into - Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, Bossypants by Tina Fey, Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.  While they range from riotously funny to downright heartwrenching - they don't necessarily lift my spirits.

But there is something that I can count on - no matter how black my mood is, no matter how big a pity party I am throwing, no matter how low I feel - to raise my spirits every time: A little trip to Pawnee, Indiana.  There is something about the TV show Parks and Recreation that makes me happy to be alive.  It could be the array of eccentric characters who are apologetically themselves.

It could be the snappy writing and the editing that makes you feel like you're hanging out with these characters.  But, I actually think it's the unbridled optimism of the main character, Leslie Knope, that I love so much.  Leslie is an unabashed overachiever.

She's enthusiastic about her job and her community and her friends.

I just feel such a connection to her.

I too am super chill all the time - just like this.

The fact that she is played hilariously by Amy Poehler is just icing on the cake.  The show isn't as densely packed with jokes as my other absolute favorite - 30 Rock - but it has something wide-eyed and hopeful about it that the more snarky 30 Rock doesn't.

So anytime my spirits need a little lift, I just take a little vacation to  Pawnee - where the children are morbidly obese, the raccoons run rampant, and the waffles are plentiful!

Noticing Grace: Work That Gives Me Purpose

T.S. Eliot said "April is the cruellest month," but I think that October this year gave it a run for its money.  Last month kicked my butt.  But, as I said in a Facebook post today... The joke is on October, because it's gone, and I am still here.  It's November!  Hallelujah!!

I've noticed the past few years that friends have used the month of November to go all sorts of neat things: grow mustaches, write novels. and most importantly, give thanks.  When I saw my dear friend SarahWolf post this, I knew I had to jump on board.

I was reading an article recently that suggests that talking about your problems can actually exacerbate them.  Instead, it suggested focusing on the good things in your life as an alternative.  I happen to think that balance is key, but I've been doing a lot of dwelling lately, so I say: BRING ON THE GRATITUDE!!

Today's prompt is work that gives me purpose.

I've been a teacher for 18 years.  There have been many ups and downs in that time.  There were days where I felt like the queen of the world, and days when I could barely drag myself home after the last bell.  I've seen students accomplishing amazing feats - get scholarships, speak out to change the world, become teachers themselves.  I've seen students who left this world far too soon.  There were kids who made me smile every single day.  There were kids who I still actively avoid if I see them at the mall.  I've worked with some of the most unbelievably inspiring professionals.  Many of them have become life-long friends.  We've labored side by side doing some ridiculous things because we all believe in the importance of the work we do.

Being a teacher - first of students, and now of adults - has given me a very strong sense of purpose.  My efforts change lives.  And even when the pay is bad, the work load is unbearable, and the level of respect I get from my political leaders is pretty low, I can't imagine doing anything else.  I am a teacher - down to my bones.  And that gives me purpose.

Catharsis

The cool thing about feeling low is that even a little bit of lightening feels very dramatic.  And when the clouds part and you actually start to see the sun peek through...  There's nothing quite like it.

I've been carrying around a big heavy bag of marbles for a while now.  They were unwieldy and hard to manage, but they were mine.  And if there's one thing I've learned in the last year or so, it's to feel what comes as it comes.  Good, bad, ugly: it's all part of the growing.  It's all important.

Still, it gets old.

One of the things I've discovered that works to help clear the clouds for me is exercise. I run - slowly, and without grace, and not very far - but I do it.  I have learned that the act of putting one foot in front of the other does more for my soul than 100 hours of therapy.  (And that's saying something, because I LOVE my therapist!)

This morning I had one of those breakthrough moments.  I was chugging along, in the last quarter of my route. when a song came up on my playlist.  Heaven When We're Home by the Wailin' Jennys.  It's a sweet little song, with some beautiful harmonies, but it was the lyrics that washed over me today.

Don't know what time it is, I've been up for way too long

and I'm too tired to sleep

I call my mother on the phone, she wasn't home,

and now I'm wondering the street

I've been a fool, I've been cruel to myself

I've been hanging onto nothing

when nothing could be worse than hanging on

And something tells me there must be

something better than all this.

I've fallen many times in love and every time

it's been with the wrong man

Still I'm out there living one day at a time

and doing the best I can

Cuz we've all made mistakes

that seem to lead us astray

But every time they helped to get us where we are today

And that's a good a place as any

and it's probably where we're best off anyway

It's a long and rugged road

and we don't now where it's headed

But we know it's going to get us where we're going

And when we find what we're looking for

we'll drop these bags and search no more

'Cuz it's going to feel like heaven when we're home

It's going to feel like heaven when we're home

There's no such thing as perfect,

and if there is we'll fnd it when we're good and dead

Trust me I've been looking

bu tonight I think I'll go and take a bath instead

And then maybe I'll walk a while

and feel the earth beneath me

They say if you stop looking

it doesn't matter if you find it

And whose to say that even if I did

it's what I'm really looking for

It's a long and rugged road

and we don't now where it's headed

But we know it's going to get us where we're going

And when we find what we're looking for

we'll drop these bags and search no more

'Cuz it's going to feel like heaven when we're home

It's going to feel like heaven when we're home.

As I rounded the corner to my beautiful home and saw sweet little Mittens the kitty waiting for me on the front stoop, I realized - I'm going to be OK.  It's all going to be OK.  I can carry marbles if I need to.  They are my marbles after all.  And each one is a lesson that moves me down that long, rugged road - to a place that I know is going to be exactly where I need to be.