Storyteller's Dilemma

Human beings are natural storytellers.  We've built our culture around the narrative structure:  somebody wants something, there is a problem getting it, but those obstacles can be overcome and a happy ending is inevitable.  It will be all right in the end, and if it's not all right, it's not the end.  Any kid who has ever watched a Disney movie knows the way of things.


And just like we all imagine ourselves in the shows of the main character, I think everyone also assumes they are the protagonist in the story they are living.  We frame the world around our struggles.  The complications we encounter are simply obstacles that we must overcome to reach our happy ending.

Of course, you have to figure out what the story is.  If you think you're living a romance -  You know: girl meets boy.  timing is all wrong.  complications arise.  hilarity ensues.  boy eventually figures out girl is the person for him.  cue the happily ever after - then you do things to keep the person in your life.  Spend time with them; you invest in the relationship.  You enjoy the slow building of a foundation that everlasting love will be built upon.  Every action is a step toward the happy ending, right?

But what happens if  you aren't the hero of that story?   What if YOU are the complication?  You're the obstacle that someone else has to overcome to achieve their own happy ending.

THAT is a humbling revelation.

It requires you to re-frame every event, every interaction, every decision.  Suddenly, the actions you took take on a different tone.  The motivations you acted with are suddenly cast in a different light.  If you aren't the hero, then you aren't striving for right.  If you're the villain, then all the things you were doing to try to achieve your own happy ending have caused damage, hurt people, obstructed the natural order of events.   All of a sudden, YOU are the bad guy.

So what do you do?

If you're slow, like me, it will take you are really really reallllllllly long time to figure this out.  But once you do, you have two jobs.  In the Romance, you have to play your part.  Like any good storybook villain, you have to surrender and allow yourself be vanquished by the protagonist.  You have to get out of the way so that the real hero can have their happily ever after.

And then, you go find YOUR story.

Maybe your story is an adventure.  Or a journey of self discovery.  Maybe it's a story of growth and change.  Maybe it's all those things - and more!  There could be a romance hiding in that narrative.  It's up to you to discover it.  What you cannot do is sit around telling and re-telling the other story.  Your part in that narrative is over.  You have to close the book and move on.  Take the lessons you've learned and apply them to new contexts.  Don't forget, but don't relive it either.

Then it's time to turn the page and start the new chapter.  Go find your story - and make it a good one!