My Intentional Speed Bump

I have discovered three magical words.  These three words have helped me avoid drama, kept me from wandering far off the course I've set for myself, and helped me to stay focused on what is really important to me.  This small phrase acts as a mental speed bump for me - slowing me down just long enough to be cautious.  It's a question I ask myself before I act. 

"To what end?"

This small phrase helps me to hone in on my motivations.  Answering this question and being completely honest with myself about the answer to the question has been transformative.

I'm involved in several online discussion groups.  Sometimes, there is very engaging and productive conversation.  Other times, there is sniping and squabbling.  Many times, I am tempted to wade into the fray and offer my $.02.  But before I go chiming in for the sake of having something to say, I ask myself. "To what end?"  What am I hoping to accomplish?  Do I want to be helpful?  Do I want to help solve a problem?  If the answer is positive, then I go for it.

However, just as often the answer less than positive.  Maybe I want to shut the person down.  Maybe I want to shame them for what I perceive to be a foolish comment.  Maybe I'm just having a shitty day and I'm looking for a place to aim my ire.  Asking myself "To what end?" keeps me from dumping my unhappiness on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Sometimes, I am tempted to reach out to people from the past: old lovers or friends with whom I've lost touch.  It usually happens when things are not so peachy keen - and I'm longing for a happier time.  Asking myself "To what end?" focuses me on my motivation.  Sometimes, it's really because I'd like to catch with with an old friend.  But just as often, it's because my ego is bruised and needs a  little soothing.  Experience has taught me that the palliative effects of those interactions are short lived, and often end up causing damage.  So that small speed bump - "To what end?" helps me to avoid backpedaling.

I haven't always been honest with myself about why I do what I do.  That's a habit I'm trying to change.  It starts with three little words - and ends with a much kinder and more responsible version of me.  I've been getting a lot of use out of my little speed bump lately.  It's helped me to let go of some unhealthy relationships and to curb some unhelpful patterns of behavior.  It's helped me avoid getting dragged into the online wrangling that seems to suck up so much time and energy of others.  It's helped me stay focused on what is important - and what is really not.  Three little words that slow me down and help me to be more mindful of my intention.   That little speed bump keeps me on the path I want to be on - one of kindness and compassion and self-love.  So simple, but so powerful for me.  "To what end?"