I Can Dish It Out, But Can I Take It?

I've written a lot on this blog about love of all kinds.  I've learned that I believe in a love that's different than the Hollywood, fairy tale version we were sold as children.   I've even spent some time working out a rubric for love. I spent a lot of time thinking about the process of learning to love oneself.  All the experiences and all of the learning again and again bring me back to that: loving yourself.

Not to brag or anything, but I think I've done a pretty good job of learning self love.  I'm much more gentle with myself these days: less critical, less judgmental, more patient, and way more forgiving. And I have seen direct evidence of how that impacts my relationship with others.  Being kind and loving to myself has deepened my relationship with family and old friends.  It has also, indirectly, brought into my life a whole new circle of friends.  Making friends as an adult is a strange and perilous experience.  It's hard to do, and when it does happen, it can often be shallow or short lived, based on convenience.  But when it works, man, is it awesome.

Except...

What happens when - as you start to love yourself and you become aware of the fact that you are surround by other loving individuals?  Nobody told me how hard it can be to just accept the fact that you are loved. Don't get me wrong.  The being loved part isn't new; I've been blessed to be surrounded by loving people my whole life.  But being aware of it, open to it and accepting of it?  That's more foreign to me than Differential Calculus.

 I see this as the next phase of growth.  I've learned to love myself.  I am able to love others.  Man, I can dish out the love like nobody's business.  But can I take it?  Can I sit back and let others love me?  It's a challenge, because to let others love you, you have to let others KNOW you.

To let others know you, you have to be willing to be known.  To drop the facades, to break down the walls, to show your heart and speak your mind.  That's a very vulnerable position to be in.  Anything can happen: rejection, withdrawal, ridicule, abandonment.  But...  if anything can happen, you can also get affirmation, connection, empathy, and acceptance.
Acceptance is a beautiful gift.  To have someone say, "I see your flaws and your shortcomings; I see your strengths and your gifts.  They are all A-OK with me."  That acceptance is a gift that almost seems too grand to accept.  But accepting that gift gives others the freedom to accept it as well.  And the beautiful thing is that it's contagious.  Those who feel loved are better able to give love. Those who give love are better able to accept love.  It becomes an upward spiral.

Opening ourselves up: to be vulnerable, to accept love, to be seen and known is scary.  But from what I've seen, in most cases, it's a good gamble with a high payoff.  And it's certainly more enjoyable than Calculus!