The Corinthian Love Test

I've been doing a lot of thinking about love lately.  Seems like every artist or musician who ever put pen to paper has an opinion about its nature and meaning.

So what is love then? Is it dictated or chosen?

Does it sing like the hymns of a thousand years

Or is it just pop emotion?

And if it ever was there and it left

Does it mean it was never true?

-Indigo Girls, "Mystery"

And how is it possible that a fully grown mother of two doesn't have firm grasp on the concept?  I think my definition of love is evolving as I grow and change.  As I discover a deeper love for myself, I begin to see the deeper possibilities of loving someone else.

Regardless, I've struggled to come up with a definition and a way to reconcile some of the conflicting notions I've had lately about love.  And then I stumbled upon a sweet little blog post about tween crushes.  The author of the post tells how she suggested that her daughter evaluate the object of her crush by placing his name into the text of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

____ is patient, 

____ is kind. 

He does not envy, 

He does not boast, 

He is not proud. 

He does not dishonor others, 

He is not self-seeking, 

He is not easily angered, 

He keeps no record of wrongs. 

_______ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Now, before you go getting all excited, I have to put in a disclaimer.  I'm no fan of the Apostle Paul.  In fact, I find most of his writings to be misogynistic and narrow.  However, in this letter to the church in Corinth, I think he hit on something very simple and very pure.  The nature of love is not the intensity of the feelings it inspires.  It's about acceptance and compassion, vulnerability and trust. So when I use Paul's text as a rubric to evaluate the loves of my life, suddenly there is no question as to what was love, and what was not - at least according to this definition.

Now comes the hard part.  I put my own name in passage.  Is Rhonda patient?  Is she kind?  Is she not easily angered?

(ANSWER KEY: Not nearly enough, when it's convenient, and no comment.)


The bottom line is that I love to the best of my ability; that's what we all do.  And just because we fall short of this ideal doesn't mean that we don't love.  Or does it?  These are the questions I now consider as I decide what my next steps are going to be.  Rather than seek out another to love, it is better to prepare myself to love to the very best of my ability.  Certainly in my case, that involves learning to love and accept my feelings, my past and present actions, and my whole self.  So rather than concentrate of seeking love, I will instead focus on knocking down the barriers that block it.

Maybe then, I can pass the Corinthian Love Test.