Act 30: Eat Clean for a Week

This challenge has evolved since the inception of this list. Originally, I had said I would try eating Vegan for a week. I had a separate Act that said I wanted to try a "cleanse" or a fast. So when I started researching, I stumbled across this two-week Clean Eating Detox challenge, I was excited! Two birds, one stone. There were a bunch of other things I wanted to try, so voila! According the the websites, the plan is low-carb and gluten-free with an emphasis on lean protein (no red meat) and fresh produce. There’s no processed food, and every meal is homemade. The challenge website broke everything down: shopping lists, recipes, even a system for accounting for leftovers. It felt practically idiot-proof!

I was seduced by the menu.  All those delicious sounding vegetable-laden dishes.... and the photos.  My God!  The photos!  Everything looked so delicious and healthy and attractive.  How could I resist?

I should have known this challenge was cursed when I went out to get the supplies and a guy backed into me in the Trader Joe's parking lot.

But, I'm nothing if not determined, so I pressed on.

First to tackle the mammoth shopping list.  As noted above, everything is homemade, which means lots of ingredients.  I needed things like chia seeds and raw almond butter.  Turns out, they don't carry that at my Kroger.  :-(  And since I detest Whole Foods with a fiery passion, that meant a trip out to Cary to Trader Joe's.  I made my way to the checkout with my 9 items, and almost fell out when the total came to $42.  YIKES!

Turns out, Clean Eating isn't cheap.  I learned in Act 38 about the economics of healthy eating, so it wasn't a huge shock.  But I don't think I was quite ready for the price tag.  I was going to have to shop a little smarter - which mean SALES.  Many of the veggies on my list were a bit exotic, so I made Harris Teeter, my second stop.  At the checkout, I again almost fell out.  My 16 items came to $34.  (Fennel is expensive, y'all, even when it's on sale.)   I stopped by the Durham Farmer's market to get some fresh local kale ($3 per bunch) and a well-earned chocolate chip scone.  (If I'm going gluten free, I needed time to say goodbye.)  Finally, I hit up Kroger where I finished out my list.  34 items for $74.

This is what $156 will buy you.

If you're keeping track, that's $156.  For one person.  For one week.  (!!!!!!)

I calmed myself by remembering that this was every meal - including lunches.  One lunch can cost around $10.  So...  Yeah.  That didn't work very well.

I spent the evening prepping smoothie bags for the week, steaming some kale, cooking up a batch of quinoa, and roasting some chicken breasts for the coming week.

I went to bed ready to tackle the challenge.

Day 1:

Kale and Banana Smoothie
Asparagus and Arugula Salad
Carrots and hummus
Kale, Quinoa and Chicken Toss
Sliced Pear with Almond Butter

I barely choked down the smoothie.  It was chunky.  Was it supposed to be chunky?!  Thank goodness for the straw I was using to drink it.  It allowed me to bypass my taste buds altogether, and just swallow it.  It's healthy.  I will develop a taste for it.  Give it a chance.

The asparagus and arugula salad was better.  I made an orange vinaigrette to go on it,  I usually love eggs, but I couldn't bring myself to eat the one on this salad.

Turns out, Clean Eating leaves my kitchen not-very-clean.

That night for dinner, the chicken, kale and quinoa wasn't bad either - except I over-salted the kale.  And the quinoa was mushy.  But the chicken turned out ok.

Day 2:

On today's menu:
Overnight Oats with Blueberries and Chia Seeds
Kale, Chickpea and Fennel Salad with Orange Vinaigrette
Sliced Tomato with Feta, Basil and Balsamic
Napa Cabbage Wraps

I was pretty excited as I prepped the overnight oats on Day 1.  I had heard good things about that dish and just knew I had found the solution  to  my "how to eat a quick healthy breakfast" problem.  The next morning was so hectic though, I had to bring it in my lunch box.

I set about packing my lunch for the day.  The problem started when it came time to shave the fennel.  I made the first cut into the bulb of fennel, which has wispy fronds like dill weed, and grows a crunchy bulb which is like a cross between celery and a water chestnut, and got an overwhelming whiff of... licorice.  The smell made me want to retch.  But I kept shaving that fennel.  I kept telling myself It's clean.  It's healthy.  I paid an arm and a leg for this.  I was going to eat that damned fennel.  I assembled the lunch and all it's accouterments and set off for work.

I started to get hungry at about 8:30, so I opened up my overnight oats.  The consistency made me want to cry.  It was mushy and tasted a little bit like the paste we used to use in second grade.  I was so hungry though, and so I soldiered on.  Every now and then, I would find a blueberry and that made me keep going, but I decided then and there: overnight oats was NEVER going to be my go-to breakfast.   I  couldn't make myself finish it.

As lunch time rolled around, I felt a growing sense of dread.  The fennel salad was waiting for me.  Every time I thought about taking a lunch break, I could hear the theme from Jaws playing in my head.  I didn't want to eat it!  I couldn't make myself - especially after that disastrous breakfast.  I cast about my office for an alternative, but decided against making a lunch from M&Ms and wasabi almonds.  Luckily, my friend Meldy came to my rescue.  She invited me to join her for a grilled chicken salad and some lunchtime conversation.  I was SAVED!

By the time I  got home that night, I was so hungry it was not even funny.  I scoured my refrigerator.  It was overflowing with fresh fruits and vegetables.  I dug around until I found the spaghetti left over from my kids' dinner the night before.  I dove into that spaghetti like I had never eaten before in my life.  It was so good, I thought I would cry.

For the record, I made it 1 1/2 days eating clean.

At that point, I decided three things.
1. I was too old to be following anything recommended by BuzzFeed.  
2. I was going to eat whatever I wanted.
3.  Eating clean doesn't have to be complicated.

The rest of the week, I set about making better choices.   I successfully avoided drinks other than water.  (I didn't count the one cup of coffee with half and half that I drink every day.  That's more medicinal than anything else.)  I did eat fruits and vegetables with every meal, and those that I chose were as close to whole and unprocessed I could get.  I chose whole grains when I could, but didn't obsess when I couldn't.  I tried some new things.  The refrigerator full of fruits and vegetables did get used - just not in  the recipes recommended.  Nothing went to waste.  Except the fennel.

And eventually I did face that fennel.  It was like eating a bowl of licorice whips with garlicky vinaigrette.  Never again.