In Defense of 2016

I know it's become fashionable to call 2016 The Worst Year Ever, and there were some pretty terrible things that happened this year.  We lost some beloved icons, democracy - especially here in North Carolina - was struck a crippling blow, and for a while there it felt like the world had turned upside down.  It seemed like there was more than our fair share of setbacks, losses, and disappointments.  But rather than think of this year as a stinker, I prefer to think about this as an opportunity for us to practice our  resilience.  We have taken some hits, yes.  But those hits were opportunities to learn and grow.  And 2016 brought me several gifts.

2016 was a big year for learning.  The events of this year challenged my assumptions about the world and my place in it.  They required me to take a long hard look at the space - both public and personal - I occupy and what exactly I do in that space.  These events shook me up and threw me off balance for a little while, but I've found that on the other side of them I am more stable and sure-footed than I was before.  I'm also more aware and attuned to the decisions that I make and the ripple effect of those decisions. I learned to take nothing for granted, and as a result of that, I think I've gained a deeper appreciation for what I do have.

2016 was a year of accomplishment and opportunity.  I took the next step to further my career, and in the process have found myself in a program that presents a chance for growth greater than I had imagined.  The Boy and The Girl both pushed themselves to new heights.  The Boy with the completion of his Bar Mitzvah studies, and The Girl with learning to embrace who she is and how she is.  All three of us are ending the year better than we were when we began it.

2016 was a year of connection.  We've grown beyond our little family of three. We established what the kiddos call our "Framily" - a network of deep friendships with other families who have become like family to us.  Through those connections, my children have learned how to navigate relationships and conflict and celebrations.  And boy did they have fun!

The challenges of 2016 gave me many teaching opportunities for my children.  They have learned how important it is to cast your vote in elections.  They've learned how essential it is to stand up for those who have less power than you and to make your voice heard.  They have also learned how to listen to those who have differing opinions than you - with respect and compassion and (hopefully) with an open mind.  It wasn't an easy year, but what year is?  And yes, there were some things that happened that are going to have long-lasting effects, the extent of which remain to be seen.  But it wasn't the worst.  And honestly, I wouldn't trade any of the bad stuff for the experiences we had.

Still. It's fun to look to the promise of a new year.  2017 will hold surprises and heartbreak, joy and challenges.  We will have learning experiences and opportunities for growth.  But then again, isn't that kind of the point?

Happy New Year, y'all!

Everybody Wins

This time of year, it's hard to to play the comparison game.  Everyone in the world is sharing their joys, their accomplishments, all the good things that have happened to them in the past year.  There are tons of photos: the smiling faces, happy families and blissful couples just beaming with love.  The song says it's the most wonderful time of the year.  And in a sense, it is.

But can be hard too, especially when things in your life aren't exactly settled in the way you'd like them to be.  If your job just isn't as fulfilling as you'd like - your home is a bit more shabby than chic - your kids are a bit more out of sorts than you'd wish them to be.  If you're without a partner or a promotion or financial security, it can be really hard to look at all that celebration and not feel at least a little sour.

That's part of being a human being.  As social animals, it's natural to observe what someone else has and maybe to want it for ourself.  We aren't bad for experiencing envy.   A little envy can be a catalyst to encourage us to examine our own lives and choices.  It can spur us to be more proactive or shake us out of our comfort zone.  It doesn't have to be bad.

And in fact, seeing others achieve can be downright wonderful.

When you have your head right, someone else's happiness doesn't have to diminish your own.  In fact, it can multiply it.  When your heart is full of love for yourself, other people finding love is a source of joy.  If you have an attitude of abundance, then someone else getting something good doesn't mean that there is less for you.  Happiness, it turns out, is not a zero sum game.  Quite the opposite.

Not So Proud to Be From NC Today

Dear NC General Assembly Member,

You should be ashamed of yourselves.   As a lifetime resident of North Carolina, I can honestly say that this is the most embarrassed I have been to admit this is my home.

You are elected to be the voice of the people of North Carolina.  Your job is to speak for us all.  Not just for yourself.  This attempt to sneak in legislation under the table, to "revise" the election process, and strip one particular Governor of power is just... sad.   

Here's a thought:  How about instead of warping the structure of our state government to suit your own needs, you actually try working with your political rivals?  How about instead of trying to suppress the voice of the people, you listen, consider what they have to say, and then come to a COMPROMISE?  How about putting what's best for our state above your own personal desire for power?

You all in Raleigh have pulled some pretty despicable stunts in the last few years, but this... This is really a new low for you.  

I cannot wait for the next election with new electoral maps.  When you are back to being an ordinary citizen, you can see how it feels to have your will and your voice completely negated.  It's infuriating.  While I don't wish you personal ill, I vehemently wish that you lose your job to someone who is willing to do the hard work of governance.  

I'm disappointed in all of you - regardless of party.

rfk