I was fine until I got into the parking lot. I'm used to be in front of a crowd - heck! I've stared down hordes of middle schoolers barely breaking a sweat! I present in front of adults all the time. Turns out, while some of those skills are transferable, it's a lot easier to present academic information than it is to reveal the words of your heart. I'm not gonna lie. I sat in my car for about 15 minutes before making my way inside. Finally, bolstered by a few encouraging messages from my people and the arrival of my friend, Deb, I made it out of the car.
In hindsight, doing this at a brewery is a brilliant idea! There happened to be plenty of liquid courage on hand - though it only took a few sips before I headed over to the table to sign up. Not wanting to go first, I signed up for slot number 3, and went back to the table to wait my turn. The crowd was pretty chill - most folks just hanging out after work to have a beer, catch up with friends, and watch a soccer game on TV. Still, they were a tolerant bunch, and once the readings started, it was all good.
Our hostess, Elizabeth, made her introductions, and we were off. Turns out, there were only three readers signed up. The first person got up to read, and I listened intently while mentally psyching myself up. I figured I'd have about 5-10 minutes to get myself ready. However, the first reader shared... a haiku. 3 lines. And there was no second reader. So... it was all me.
As I stepped up to the mic, I decided that I wasn't going to just read. I was gonna perform. I started with a poem I wrote a few months ago called "Place for Rent." The speaker is a busybody real estate agent, so... I leaned into and got into character.
The audience listened. No one booed. I didn't die. It was all good.
As the night progressed, we heard some pretty amazing stuff... passionate, poignant, lovely. For me the highlight was Deb overcoming her shyness and reading a beautiful poem she wrote. Check her out:
My phone ran out of space, so I didn't get the whole piece, but trust me. It was wonderful!
If you followed any of the links above, you will see that the bulk of what I read was pretty fraught. And that makes sense. Most of what I wrote over the last year was HEAVILY influenced by the ending of a romantic relationship, and the self reflection and processing that experience prompted. During that time, I was a prolific writer... I had so much angst and emotion in me that I had to get it all out - and luckily the paper caught most of it for me. Lately, I've been feeling pretty darned good. While that makes for a lovely life, it doesn't lead to much in the way of good writing. Still the last poem that I read was one that wrote this week. I think is more representative of where I am right now. It's called "Maker."
So that happened. And it was pretty great!
I can say that it's not easy to get up and bare your soul to an audience of strangers. I was so stupid nervous! When I watch these videos, I have to laugh a little at the fake sass I managed to conjure. (Ok, not fake... exaggerated. I'm plenty sassy.) Still, I shared a little piece of myself with that audience, and the world didn't end. In fact, it felt pretty amazing. I highly recommend it! Now go write something. Or draw something. Or sing something. Or make something. Because ultimately, it's not for the audience; it's for you. Thanks for reading.
P.S. If you want to read a whole bunch of angst filled pseudo-poetry, you can check out my other site: Biting Off More Than I Can Chew. That's where I hide all the really embarrassing stuff! -rfk
