Act 32: Say No to Someone Powerful

Initially, I imagined this act to be some sort of Moment of Truth, where I'm faced with a choice to give in or stand my ground, and I'd have to summon up the courage to give a big, fat, "NO."  But then, I guess I'm still in the habit of imagining my life as being like Dead Poet's Society.  Turns out,
real life gives you few pivotal moments where you have to stand up on your desk and declare, "O Captain!  My Captain!"  Real life is more the sum total of many, many little moments of decision.  And so, this act morphed into something completely different.  Instead of one shining moment, of courage, this became about consistently being courageous by setting (and sticking to) personal boundaries.

Setting boundaries is something I've struggled with as long as I can remember.  I was the kid who always loaned my lunch money, gave away my best pencil, and would put myself out to do a friend a favor.  As an adult, I became the person who would get the job done, give you the shirt off my back, and (still) put myself out to to accommodate the people in my life.  In on of itself, this is not a bad thing.  However, I tend to take it to the extreme.  It wasn't until I started doing a little reading that I realized there is a name for this tendency: codependency.  I thought codependency was a condition that afflicted mostly the loved ones of alcoholics and addicts - of which I am neither.  However, it turns out that while those are the folks who frequently struggle with codependency, it can impact anyone.

 It was hard at first to pin down a definition of codependency - because there appears to be a fair bit of debate about the condition.  Not every criterion applied, but the more I read, the more the whole seemed to fit.  The heart of the issue with codependency is low self esteem, coupled with the compulsive need to take care of the people in one's life - whether they want or need it or not.  Add to that the inability to set boundaries, stand up for oneself, and take care of one's own needs, and you get a person who is afraid to say no or stop "doing" for others out of fear of rejection or disapproval.

It's pretty scary to apply a label to yourself, but it can also be very liberating.  Just like in those science projects of days gone by, once you've identified the problem, then you can set about solving it.  First, I did what Rhondas do best: RESEARCH.  I read tons of articles on the subject and dove into Melody Beattie's book The New Codependency.  I began to take note of what resonated with me - and what did not.  I do have a tendency to get lost in relationships - contorting - to fit the space that I thought needed to be filled.  The thinking being: if I can fill the space better than anyone else, I will be loved and appreciated and miraculously my emotional needs will all be met.

But it doesn't quite work that way.

Instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt empty - like I was sacrificing the best part of me for no real return.  And the people around me didn't know what to do with all the abnormal attention.  It made me clingy and needy - and a little panicked when things weren't going perfectly.  And in life, when do things ever go perfectly?

I learned that the key to breaking the cycle of codependency is learning self care.  That is, taking care of, accepting and loving yourself - filling your own emotional gas tank - rather than depending on someone else to do it for you.  I wish I could say that as soon as I figured out what the problem was,  I was able to  fix it.  But it's not quite that easy.

And so establishing firm boundaries become the heart of this act.  This works because when you are anxious to obtain approval, everyone is someone powerful.  Without boundaries, every person you encounter wields power over you - because you let them.  So my saying no to someone powerful is to establish clearly delineated boundaries.  Or rather, to begin the process of establishing clearly delineated boundaries.

By setting those boundaries, and taking care of myself first,  I'm not saying "No" to anyone in particular as much as I am saying "Yes" to me.  And every time I stick to one of my boundaries, THAT becomes my "O Captain!  My Captain!" moment.

Act 25: Finish and Publish a Writing Piece

UPDATE:
I was published!  Check it out!

Submitted for publication... Stay tuned to find out if it succeeds!  Even if it doesn't, it was worth it.

Sisterhood

It is often out of misery

that one finds true beauty.

It is in the depths of despair and the thick of trials

that these true bright spots emerge.

These unmoving moorings hold your vessel steady

and keep you from drifting too far out into the sea of doubt.

These ferocious friends will fight to defend you

from the harshest of critics – yourself.

These unflagging believers whisper the insistent reminder

“You are enough.”

It takes your weakness to

reveal this stalwart strength.

It takes your sadness

to uncover this profound joy.

Only when you’ve come undone

Do they bring you back together.

Unmoving, ferocious, unflagging -
Steady, stalwart, insistent.


This is your tribe; these are your people.
And you belong to them.

Intentions

I learned in my Astrological Reading, that this is the time in my life to set intentions for the next 28-year phase.  And so, I give you...

My Intentions 

May I be gentle in my words and actions and remember that hearts and egos are fragile, no matter the age of their owner.

May I be open to loving and being loved and  recognize and accept love when it is offered, no matter the form it may take.

May I live my life with courage and always remain true to my heart and my best self.

May I live with integrity, with consistency in my thoughts, my words, and my deeds.

May I be strong in will and stand up for what is important to me.

May I live in health, taking care to nourish my body, exercise my mind, and replenish my spirit.

May I live without judgement and give those in my life the space and grace to be imperfect.

May I find the balance between living a life in service of others, while still being an advocate for myself.

May I be grateful for the resources I have and wise in their use.

May I be assertive in the pursuit of resources, but remember that value is not a dollar amount.

May I be complete on my own, but be open to the enrichment of a well-suited partner.

May I have the courage to forgive when I feel wronged, and the character to seek forgiveness when I wrong others.

May I love myself wholly, and worry less about the perceptions and opinions of others.

May I recognize the beauty in the people, places and things that surround me, and express that appreciation sincerely.

Act 4: Get an Astrological Reading Done

My girlfriend asked me why this was one of my acts.  What's particularly courageous about getting your chart read?  I had to think on that.  Honestly, I put it on the list because it was something I'd always kind of wanted to do.  I think most human beings are curious to know all they can about themselves, and this was an avenue I had not explored.  But what made it an act of courage?

I was thinking about that as I drove over to my appointment.  I had made plans to meet with George Ward, Astrologer Extraordinaire at Dancing Moon Bookstore in Raleigh, NC.   Driving out to downtown Raleigh during rush hour took courage, I thought to myself.  George had been recommended to me years before by a friend, and I had held on to his information, waiting until I was ready.  And now, I was ready!

I arrived a little early to browse the bookstore.  There were all kinds of interesting things to take in - incense, crystals, and tons and tons of books.  I admit, I felt a little out of my element, but curious.  I like the idea that there are forces beyond our understanding at work in the the world, and I like that these are practices that have been around for a very long time.  Things don't tend to stick if there isn't something to them.

It was with an open and curious mind that I met George.  He seemed accessible and kind, and I liked him immediately.  He gave me a little lesson on the methodology behind charting and interpreting the charts, as well as a little history on the practice of astrology.  It seems that since ancient times, all the major cultures of the world have looked to the stars to find meaning in human life.  The study was linked to early medicine, alchemy and meteorology and the practice evolved as scientific learning grew.  Being the big nerd that I am, I was very interested in this.  But I was more interested in what George had to say about me!

First, he showed me my Natal chart - that is, the position of the stars in the sky at the precise moment and location of my birth.  The influences that govern the chart are the sun sign, the ascendant sign, and the moon sign. I'm not going to go into the specifics, because I think I would not do George's work justice, but I will say that it was fascinating!  My sun sign is Cancer - which is all about home, family, security, emotion.  That's about right, but I always discounted it a bit because I'm no shrinking violet - and Cancers have the reputation of - if not cowering - then retreating into themselves.  Turns out, my rising sign, Aquarius, is the reason for that

discrepancy.  This feature tends to result in people with a thirst for knowledge and the desire to understand, but who tend to be a bit quirky.  I also have the strong influence of Saturn - which brings a sense of responsibility, boundaries, and caution.  This can often indicate a master teacher.  Finally, on my natal chart the moon was in Leo.  This typically indicates a strong sense of empathy as well as a high need for affection and appreciation.   I found myself nodding and smiling in recognition - and more than once, sharing with George things I often say about myself.  The kicker was when he was talking about Neptune being in the 10th (Career) House.  "This is usually indicative of someone not knowing what they want to be when they grow up."  Hello, Rhonda!

The second part of the reading looked at the Transits and Progressions that would be coming up in the next 12-18 months.  This is where the fun came.  George observed that, judging from my chart, the last 2-3 years were ones of transition.  (Hah!  Understatement of the year!)  But now, my moon had just moved into the first house, marking the beginning of a new 28-year cycle.  Now is the time to set intentions and to figure stuff out.  Over and over again, he highlighted features of the chart that indicated the need to focus on myself.  Figure out what is important to me.  Keep myself front and center.  He indicated that I seem to be preparing myself for something big.  He also recommended that now is the time to get out into the world, try new things, and see what fits best.

The reading ended with a look at the United States map, and where the lines of my chart show influence.  It looks like my ideas are meant to impact beyond my immediate sphere of influence.  And for some reason, he saw big things for me in Australia.  We wrapped up with him giving me a few auspicious recommendations for Act #26 (Travel Somewhere I've Never Been Before) destinations.

On the whole, this was a very positive experience.  It confirmed some things I have have felt about myself and my inclinations, and offered an interesting perspective on where I fit in the cosmos.  I suppose at the end of it all, the courageous part of the act is in opening my mind and considering that there are forces at work beyond my immediate understanding.  I think the information George shared with me gave me permission and validation that the path I'm embarking on is the right one for me.  I guess as the stars move and opportunities arise, that the courageous part of this act will come to seize those opportunities without fear.

For When I Get it Completely Wrong

Being a perfectionist, looking back on my mistakes can be painful.  Even more painful is looking back on mistakes in judgement - especially when it feels like the events around those mistakes make me look or feel foolish.  So while my instinct is to own up to mistakes that I make against other people:

Sorry friend, I misjudged that; I see it differently now.

Whoops.  I missed that deadline;  This is how I will make it right.

I have a really difficult time admitting to myself when I was completely wrong about things.

 Actually, no.  I can admit that I was completely wrong, but then I feel the need to thoroughly flagellate myself for having been wrong.  Never mind that I was operating under the information that I had at the time.  Never mind that there really was no way I could have known how things would turn out.  I say to myself: I should have seen.  I should have guessed.  I should have known.

Well, not today.  Today, I am going to forgive myself for the times when I got it wrong.  I'm going to be kind to myself, because those mistakes and their fallout hurt my heart.  I'm not going to pile on top of the hurt with guilt too.

Most importantly, I'm going to learn from those mistakes, but not so much that I expect to make them.  Today I choose to continue to err on the side of trusting, opening my heart, and believing the best of people.  Not to do so would be the greatest mistake.

Confessions of Morning Momzilla

If you were to ask my children, they would probably tell you that I can be a little intense sometimes.  Ok, since I have sworn total honesty in this forum, they would probably tell you that there are times when I scream at them like a raving lunatic.  Yes, I admit it.  Sometimes, I am Momzilla.  Specifically - I am Morning Momzilla.

In my defense, it is not easy to get two easily distracted, high energy children to do anything on a timeline, much less the complicated ballet of getting dressed, fed, packed up, and out the door in the morning.  Now, before you launch into the litany of helpful hints, I will tell you: we have a morning checklist.  We make lunches and pack our backpacks the night before.  We lay out our clothes for the week on Sunday night.  We set alarms. We do all the things that an organized family is supposed to do to have a smooth and stress-free morning.  Except, we almost NEVER have a smooth or stress-free morning.

Instead, we have chaos.  The Girl wants to have a morning cuddle, and then burrows so deep into my bed, I have to send an excavation crew to unearth her.  The Boy usually gets himself dressed, but then gets lost in a comic book or his own musings.  Our mornings are punctuated by my constant bellowing:
"What are you DOING?  Are you dressed yet? "
"We are leaving 15 MINUTES!"
"WHY are you not DRESSED YET?"
"Sit back down and finish your breakfast."
"Put on your shoes!"
"Are you done with your meal?    Then WHY are you up wandering around?"
"Get your shoes on.  Shoes.  Shoes!  SHOES!!!!"
"Backpack.  Pick up your backpack.  You need your backpack.  BACKPACK!"

Finally, it deteriorates in to me screaming random words, as if I am afflicted with some sort of parental Tourette's Syndrome.

"EAT!  BACKPACK!  SHOES!  CAR!  GO!"

"EAT!  BACKPACK!  SHOES!  CAR!  GO!"

By the end of the morning, they always make it to school on time, but I feel like a frazzled monster.  Morning Momzilla is not the way I want to live my life.

This morning, an evil scheme hatched in my brain.  Both The Boy and The Girl are old enough to dress themselves.  They are also old enough to understand cause and effect.  I decided that today, I would not yell and scream to get them ready.  In fact, I was not going to take ownership of it at all.  THEY were going to be responsible for getting themselves dressed.

When they woke up, I made my announcement:

 "I am going to get myself dressed.  I am then going to go downstairs to prepare breakfast.  I will be leaving the house at 7:15.  You will be going with me - in whatever state you are in.  See you downstairs."

I then left them to their own devices.

It was quiet upstairs for a reaaaaalllllly long time.  As the moments ticked by, I had to force myself to just mind my business.  I drank a cup of coffee, emptied the dishwasher, tidied the kitchen.  After what seemed like an eternity, I heard them stirring.

The Boy, being a 6th Grader, figured out the implications of this new arrangement much quicker than The Girl.   After he finally got out of bed, he dressed himself and headed downstairs.   There was no way he was going to be dropped off at school in his pajamas.  During breakfast, he wandered over to the computer to try to futz around, but discovered- HORRORS! - Mom had changed the password.  (I swear, I really tried to stifle the MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA that erupted from me, but it just wouldn't be denied.)  With his distraction removed, he easily stayed on track.

The Girl, being who she is, decided to test me.  She came downstairs after some time in her cute little Frozen pajamas, carrying her clothes.   She played with the kittens, ate a little breakfast, went to inspect the computer, wandered around the kitchen - very leisurely.

 Because I'm a benevolent overlord, I did give her little reminders of the time.  "Girl, we are leaving in 20 minutes."  "Girl, we are leaving in 15 minutes."  It was all pleasant and conversational.  No bellowing at all.

At 5 minutes to departure, the girl had removed half of her pajamas, but not put on any clothes.  I began to pack up the car.

At departure time, The Boy took his stuff and went out to get into the car, much like an animal seeking out higher ground in anticipation of a tsunami.

I calmly walked over to The Girl - who was clad only in her undies and pajama top at this time.  I gently put her coat on her,  (didn't want her to be too cold!) picked up her clothes and shoes, and placed them in her backpack.   I then placidly led her to the car.  (I was anticipating a struggle here, but honestly - I think she was too stunned to resist.)  We went out into the garage, and I opened the car door for her.

She looked at me and started crying.  "It's cold out here!  I can't go to school like this!"

The Boy, in his infinite middle school wisdom commented, "Sounds like something you should have thought about earlier."  I sent him a mental high five, and then gave him the Hush up now Mom Glare.

"Yes, honey.  You are not dressed.  I told you that we were leaving at 7:15, and you didn't get dressed.  Now it's time to leave for school.  I packed your uniform, so you can change once you get there."  I paused, "I wouldn't want you to get into trouble."

She looked at me for a moment and then began to cry.  "I want to get dressed RIGHT NOW! Let me get dressed!"

"Of course.  Come inside where it is warm, and put on your clothes.  Then we will go to school."

I have never seen The Girl get dressed so quickly.

When she was dressed, she hurried to the car where her brother was waiting: "Was that so hard?"  (I love middle schoolers.)

As we left the house, I glanced at the clock.  It was 7:20, my originally intended departure time.  Everyone was dressed.  There had been only minimal tears, no bellowing, no elevated blood pressure, no Morning Momzilla.

Turns out that being too controlling over the morning routine not only stressed me out, but it was stunting The Kids.  They are both perfectly capable of dressing and feeding themselves.  They just chose not to because they knew Mommy would handle it.  By stepping back and making them responsible, I  lowered my stress.  But I also empowered them to take care of themselves.  It's hard to remember that sometimes life has to be a little messy.  Our kids don't live according to the timelines we set.  But, when given the right circumstances - and the threat of meaningful consequences - they will rise to the occasion.

And who knows?  Maybe this lesson will allow me to retire Morning Momzilla permanently!

Act 38: Live for a Week at the U.S. Poverty Level

The US Government says that to be considered "poor" a family of 3 would make $19789.56 a year. That translates to $380.57 per week, so this week's task for The Boy, The Girl and I was to live on $380.57 for the week.  First I had to calculate our standing expenses.

$735  Rent  (To get this, I took my mortgage payment and subtracted taxes and insurance to get the cost of the dwelling itself.)
$225  Car
$90  Cell Phone
$90  Electricity
$30 Water
$30 Heat

=$1200.00 for fixed monthly expenses.  Since we are doing this for a week, I divided that by 4 and got $300 for a week's worth of expenses.

That left us with $80.57 for food, gas, and incidental expenses.

Whoa.

I took a moment to thank God that I don't have a kid in daycare, and sat down to make my grocery list.

The Boy, The Girl, and I had already strategized on how best to approach meals.  They take their lunches to school every day, so school lunch wasn't an issue (though under these circumstances, we would qualify for the Federal School Lunch program.)  Looking at the week, I saw that I had no catered lunchtime events- which meant I would need to bring my lunch every day.  I typically eat lunch out only 1-2 times a week, but at $10 a pop, that would have to go.  I also saw that there was no extra money in the budget for coffee, so I would throw $2 into the office coffee fund and just get my coffee there this week.

Breakfast and Lunches won't pose much of a problem - The Kids pretty much eat the same thing every day.  My lunches can easily be made from leftovers, and if push comes to shove, I can make sandwiches for myself too.  The real sacrifice is in variety.  We can afford to buy the quantity of ingredients to get us through the week, but we have to eat all of those things until they are gone.  That means a lot of peanut butter, the same 2 vegetable choices, and a lot of soup.

Our food for the week

What really worries me is the weekend.  I had plans to go out with my girlfriends, and will probably want to go out on Saturday.  There's really not much left to have coffee with a friend, and forget about going to a movie or anything like that.

Sunday:
We "paid" all our bills and then pulled $80 in cash for the rest of the week.  The trip to the grocery store was enlightening.  The Boy kept a tally of our spending with the calculator, and The Girl was in charge of our shopping list.  She was a stickler for not allowing off list purchases.  (Atta girl!)  When it came time to buy fruit for lunches, the boy noted that low sugar pears (in their own juice vs. in syrup) were almost $1 more expensive than their high sugar counterparts.  He and his sister conferred and opted to go with unsweetened applesauce, which cost the same as the sugary stuff - but with two additional servings (6, rather than 4).  They also negotiated a change in the menu (fish sticks over macaroni and cheese) by downgrading the from goldfish in their lunches to plain pretzels.


I spent most of Sunday taking the ingredients we purchased and making soup.  I made a large pot of vegetable soup and one of chicken noodle.  This is to help me pack lunches for myself during the week - as I try to avoid eating the high carb dinner leftovers that The Boy and The Girl prefer.  Since lunch out is not an option, I have to be extra careful about having lunches easily available.

After grocery shopping, we had $31.20 left

Monday:

• Breakfast - Instant Oatmeal for The Girl and I.  Grits for The Boy. 
• Lunch -  Kids:  PB&J Sandwich, Fruit cup Applesauce, Carrots, Goldfish Pretzels,  Me: Vegetable soup, PB&J
• Dinner - Spaghetti, Frozen broccoli

First, The Boy was still hungry after his grits, so I gave him a hard boiled egg.  The Girl decided that she wanted an egg too, so she ate that instead.  Luckily, The Boy took care of her oatmeal too.
The day went mostly fine, but I found I was nervous and aware of the fact that I could not spend any money this week.  In fact, I worried about it.  I found myself thinking very carefully about any errands or driving, because I wanted to conserve gas.

I underestimated the amount of food a growing 11 year old can eat, because The Boy was really hungry at the end of the night.  Without my knowing it, he ate 2 of the eggs I had "budgeted" for the week, and most of the lunch pretzels.  I tried not to fuss at him too much, but it really messed with my plan for the week!  Luckily, it will be just me toward the end of the week - and I can get by on the leftovers.

We seemed set, until the weekly email from school came.  The Girl has to bring a white tee shirt covered with 100 decorative items to her 100th Day of School celebration.  Oh, and it's the teacher's birthday next week, so the class parents are taking up a collection for a gift.   The shirts were on sale at AC Moore this week for $2.50 each, so that wasn't too bad.  The Girl wanted to use buttons, but a pack of 50 buttons was $3.  At $6, that was not doable.  We opted for one tee shirt and to use sharpies to draw 100 hearts on it.  (Thank you DPS for the use of a red sharpie.)  $2.67 for the tee, $2 for the birthday fund, and we are down to $26.53.  And it's only Monday.

Tuesday:

• Breakfast - Instant Oatmeal, Grits
• Lunch - Kids:  PB&J Sandwich, Fruit cup Applesauce, Carrots, Goldfish Pretzels,  Me: Vegetable soup, PB&J  
• Dinner - Macaroni & Cheese Fish sticks, Baby carrots Leftover broccoli

After the unexpected expense of yesterday, I was resolute to not spend any money.  I made it until 12:30.  The Girl's teacher called - she wasn't feeling well and needed to be picked up.  I left work early - which if I were an hourly employee would mean no pay for me - and headed to school to pick up The Girl.  She walked up to me in the school lobby, said Mommy, I don't feel good, and proceeded to vomit.  I grabbed a trash can and handled the situation.  On the way home, she asked for a Sprite - which is what I always give her when she's sick.  She looked so pitiful that I had to stop at the convenience store.  $1.32 later, she had her Sprite, and we were left with $25.21.  That night we had fish sticks for dinner.  I gave The Boy one of mine because he was still hungry after eating his.  (When did he get to be such a vacuum cleaner?)

Soup, soup, and more soup.
No danger of starving, at least.

Wednesday: (No Kids)

• Breakfast - Instant Oatmeal, Grits  Hard-boiled eggs.
• Lunch - Kids:  PB&J Sandwich, Fruit cup, Carrots, Pretzels  Me:  PB&J, Vegetable Soup
• Dinner - Black beans and rice.

Home sick with The Girl.  I am so sick of soup.  I used the slow cooker to make some black beans, so it will be black beans and rice for dinner tonight!  As you can see in the photo, I have plenty of food, but it's not a lot of fun eating the same thing for lunch and dinner every day for days on end.


Thursday: (No Kids)

• Breakfast - Yogurt cup
• Lunch - Soup
• Dinner - Leftover soup

I miss meat, and I miss salad.  I feel so blechy because my meals have been so carb-heavy.  The black beans and rice last night helped a bit, but I've eaten about 1/4 of the recommended amount of protein for a healthy diet.  The Greek yogurt this morning helped a bit, but I feel bloated and gross.

Also, I forgot to buy cat food on Sunday, so another $3.17 gone.  $22.04 left.


Friday: (No Kids)

• Breakfast - Yogurt Cup
• Lunch - Soup or Spaghetti leftovers.
• Dinner - Dinner out w. the Girls.  Supposed to order Thai Food... Hopefully, gas won't be too expensive this week and I can order an entree.  If not, it's going to be soup for dinner.  

I made it to Friday with $22.04 in my pocket.  Here's the dilemma:  I need to change the oil in my car, and I have dinner out with the girls planned.  The oil change will have to wait.  And because this is an experiment, I have the luxury of spending 12.5% of my food budget on a single meal.  However, that would be completely out of my reach normally.  Luckily, it turned out that I was able to get away with paying only $5.17 for my meal because my friends overpaid for theirs.  (My rule was no free meals, but I have good friends who found a way to help me out anyway.)  Let me tell you... After a week of vegetable soup, spicy shrimp with eggplant never tasted so good.  AND I had leftovers for the next day.

Saturday: (No Kids)

• Breakfast - Yogurt Cup
• Lunch - Thai leftovers
• Dinner - Thai Leftovers

I almost broke the plan because it was my dear friend Amber's birthday, but time was not on our side, so we made alternate plans.  I was headed out to see another dear friend, Chantal, but it was lunch time.  Since I didn't have any spare cash to grab any fast food on the way,  and I didn't plan ahead - whoops! - I had to run home to eat.  That detour cost me precious gas, and made me about 20 minutes late.  But I remained true to the plan.  I made it to the end of the week with $16.87.  Just in time to roll up to the gas station and fill my car, which was running on fumes, with gas.

I made it, but barely.

You know, it was easy to fixate on the lack of variety and flexibility in the food we had, but I cannot understate how stressful the whole week was.  I felt anxiety all the time.  Every time the kids asked to do something or buy something, I had to say No, we can't afford it..  And I cringed every time the kids asked to eat outside of our planned meal times.  It was very difficult to not be able to just provide for my children.  I can only imagine how it feels when this is an everyday occurence.

This week was hard: there's no way around it.  I lost a day and a half of income because The Girl was sick.  The car had to be serviced, and I put it off because I couldn't afford it.  Oh, and The Boy who was eating me out of house and home needs new school pants. I am so grateful that this was just a short-term simulation.  It definitely helped me to be more aware of how casual I can be about spending.  It's just stuff - until you don't have it.


By the way, if you want a taste of this for yourself, Urban Ministries of Durham has a great simulation called Spent.  It allows you to see how you would do making it through the month with all the obstacles and bumps that come along.  I used it with my students during a research unit on Social Action, and it was very eye opening.  Check it out!  Play Spent