Let Me Be a Loser

When I look at the life I have, I really am blessed beyond the telling of it.  Sometimes, I feel like I have a charmed life.  Anything that I've set my heart on or my mind to has somehow come to pass.  I excel in making things happen.  I see evidence in this in my career, my home, all the possessions I have obtained over the years.  I can honestly say that I do not want for any thing.

I make things happen.

That's an interesting phrase, isn't it?  It sums up the very essence of the America by-the-bootstraps can-do attitude.  It implies agency.  It implies control.

It is a big fat lie.

Anyone who has ever had a child or a pet, or worked with children,or animals or adult humans knows that there is not a whole lot you can do to MAKE things happen.  You can coerce, you can cajole, you can try to manipulates, you can beg, whine and plead.  You can work hard.  You can plan.  You can do due diligence.  But you cannot make things happen.

It is the ultimate exercise in futility.  And yet, we put such a high value on agency.  When researching for this entry, I stumbled upon this - emblazoned on coffee cups and desk plaques:

"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen." - Denis Waitley

 Now, I understand the quote is meant to light a fire under all those folks who are sitting around thinking to themselves, Oh poor me.  Nothing ever happens to me.  My life is so empty.  Blah blah blah.  I don't happen to know anyone like that.  Most of the people in my life are hustling every day to do their part and actively participate in the work of the world.  And many of those people are also exhausted from trying so hard to get every little thing to work out just right.

The mental energy required to anticipate every possible outcome and then to plan for it is immense.  Beyond the planning is the analyzing.  If this happened, then it might mean this.  Or it could mean that.  Or maybe it implies that THIS is so.  It makes my head hurt just to write it out, but I do it.  All day.  Every day.

Maybe it doesn't have to be that way.  If winners make things happen, and losers let things happen, then I think I want to be a loser.  

It seems to me that it requires more strength and courage to let go and allow things to unfold, rather than try to nail down every detail.  Control is borne from the fear of "What if?"  Surrender comes when you can say "So what if?"  It comes from trusting that between your own resources and the grace of your higher power, there is nothing that can happen that will end you.  Things won't be perfect, and they will not follow the script you've laid out in your head.  But if you let them, they will unfold in a way that is just right - and sometimes even better than you imagined.  

If that's the way of it, please!  Let me be a loser!