Act 2: Publicly and Openly Blog This Experience

Why does this have to be a public act?  Am I doing these acts as a kind of stunt to show the world how amazing and cool I am?

Umm... no.  Besides, why would anyone care if I went to a Meet-up all by myself?  That's hardly riveting news.

This has to be a public act for me.  I have to be accountable and transparent.   You see, everyone has an inner critic.  You know - that little voice in the back of your brain that points out every little thing that you did wrong, how it could have been

 better, and how any other halfway competent person could have done it 1000 time better?   Well, I don't just have a single critic.  I have an entire critical review board.  And those bitches are TOUGH!

My Critical Review Board (CRB) insists that we have a very carefully cultivated image to present to the world.  Nothing ugly, unflattering, or messy is allowed to show unless it is absolutely necessary. We wouldn't want people to think you're not 100% together, would we?

I was so used to my CRB that I'd learned to anticipate their feedback and adjust accordingly.  In fact, I most days I felt like I was living Rhonda's Life - The Expurgated Version.  And I guess that was OK.  Until it wasn't.

I found myself in a situation where only the unfiltered and authentic version of me would do.  And try as I might, I couldn't seem to conjure the real thing.  My CRB wouldn't allow it!  What's more, I started to see evidence of a CRB in both The Boy and The Girl.  And while I could tolerate those meddling bitches hacking away at me, NOBODY messes with my babies.

But there's more to it than that!  See, the CRB also likes to downplay the positive stuff: the successes, the high points, and the things that go right.  There are many, many things I do well, and there are many, many high points in this life of mine. One wouldn't want to get lazy and rest on her laurels, of course, so  the CRB tries to minimize success.  

It has to go.

So the purpose of Act 2 is to shut down the CRB.  Life is messy.  Being real is messy.  And sometimes mess can be downright glorious.  By forcing myself to acknowledge all the parts: the good, the bad, the ugly, the boring, the inelegant, and the clumsy, I take away the power the CRB has to lord those weaknesses over me. I am creating record of my achievements and failures - in writing - that the CRB cannot argue against.

So this is my quest to be ruthless, relentless, and inevitable.  To quiet down that inner CRB, so I can get down to the business of being real.